Yesterday I took a friend of mine to the bus that will take her back home to another city that is four hours away.
Since she would spend 4 hours without food, I had to go and buy her some things to eat while being on the bus. Still, a lady who works there suddenly shouted at me and told me, “It’s not allowed to bring these things into the bus and if you are going to give them to your friend I will let her leave the bus in the middle of the road.”
Suddenly I became furious, and I shouted at her; I told her, “Give me your name and the bus number; I will call your boss and show you the consequences of talking to customers like that.”
The lady then apologized and told me that she was kidding, and since my friend is an expert in lying detection, she said to me that the lady was honest.
I was angry because I was afraid.
Behind anger always lies fear; even if the angry person appears to be healthy and in control, fear will always be the reason behind his anger.
I was afraid that the lady does what she said, leaving my friend in the middle of the highway alone. My fear that my friend gets mistreated made me angry, and so the anger was there to protect me from my fears.
If I knew that she was kidding (even though she didn’t), I would have just said, “what a weird way to joke,” but since I was afraid, my anger exploded.
The relationship between anger and fear
Whenever you find yourself angry, ask yourself one question, what am I afraid of?
If you found yourself shouting at another driver, you might find that you were afraid of the damage that would happen to your car.
If you found that you are angry at a lazy employee, you will probably find that you were afraid that your company performs badly or that your manager evaluates you poorly.
If you were angry at someone who made fun of you, then you might find that you were afraid of what people might say about you if you didn’t take decisive actions.
Anger and depression
One of the leading causes of depression is suppressed anger. If your rights were violated continuously and not managed to channel the resulting anger correctly, you would become depressed. Suppressed emotions could be one of the main reasons causing depression. People who manage to channel their suppressed emotions promptly are less likely to get depressed.
Anger management
Anger management is more profound than controlling your breath or counting from one to ten because unless you have a deep understanding of your fears, you might be wasting your time on techniques that will never work. One of the vital steps for controlling anger is learning how to manage your concerns.
If you found a person angry and shouting, try to understand the reasons behind his anger so that you can comfort him.
For example, If your boss told you “you are always late,” never tell him, “I understand that you are afraid that people might say that you are a weak manager but instead say, “I am sorry, I know this might affect my scorecard, and I will be on time starting tomorrow.”
Instead of shouting at him and saying that he is bossy, understand his fears and comfort him, and he will become calm again in minutes.
In summary, anger is sometimes caused by fear, control your fears, and you will manage your anger effortlessly.
