How Children Develop Their Personalities

In a previous article, I said that adults try to replicate the environment they used to live in when they were children if it was favorable. On the other hand, if the conditions a child was raised in were not favorable, then he will try to avoid encountering the same situations he encountered in his past when he becomes an adult.

This is why a child who was showered with attention usually grows up to become attention seeking adult (replicating the good childhood conditions he used to live in), and its also the same reason why a girl who was raised in a divorced family develops a fear of trusting men (her goal, in this case, is avoiding the replication of her miserable childhood).

A child could develop a phobia of a certain object by just watching his terrified parent’s response when being exposed to that object.

So how can these two theories help us understand how children develop their personalities?

Children develop their personality traits by selection

Based on the previous two theories, a child will always try to avoid becoming like his unfavored parent, and at the same time, he will always try to be like his favored one.

If, for example, a child was raised by a helpless parent, then there is a huge chance that this child will become a control freak who wants to be in control of his life. The child saw his parent acting helpless thousands of times, and as a result, he started to hate helpless people unconsciously.

When that child grew up, he did his best to become in control, not to be like his helpless parent.

If a girl disliked her mother’s role and, as a result, became much more attached to her father, she might turn into a tomboy. Some girls become tomboys as a result of finding the role of their mothers boring or insignificant.

You can develop your personality anytime.

This might seem confusing to many people because certainly, there are helpless adults whose helpless parents raised. Why didn’t these adults rebel against this helplessness they saw their parents acting with?

The answer lies in one word: Courage.
A courageous adult would do his best to avoid replicating the unfavorable conditions he was raised in. In contrast, the scared adult will give in and mimic his parent’s behavior even if he didn’t like it.

The previous scenario is one of the main reasons that lead to a lack of self-confidence.

If an adult became dissatisfied with his personality yet did nothing to change it, he would develop very low self-esteem.

Now the good news I have for you is that courage can be developed and that no one is born with it.

Some people spend years of their lives escaping and living in their comfort zones until they meet the right person who encourages them and motivates them to become the people they always wanted to become.

Some people ignore this chance and prefer to live in their comfort zones, while others take advantage of that chance.

This article you just read is one of these changes, and the final decision is all yours.
Do you want to live in your comfort zone forever?
Or do you want to change your life for the better?